This Is My Choice
by laurzz
Summary: DannyLindsay. Post Childs Play, Pre Playing with Matches.


**A/N: Big thanks to Twinkeyrocks for getting me to post this bad boy :P And kcatlin for her help :) **

**Danny's in italics, Lindsay's in normal font. just to clarify:) **

**Enjoy! xx**

* * *

Why? Why wait? Why not now?

She took a deep breath and picked the phone up. 

They needed to talk. 

* * *

_He groaned at the sight of the caller-id. He didn't want to speak to her. Strike that, he did, he just couldn't. He couldn't handle the pain of letting her down, causing her more pain that what she needed, more pain than what she deserved..._

_He pressed busy, and carried on working. He would deal with whatever she wanted later. _

She hung up and threw her phone onto the couch. She was getting sick of his game. He was always busy, not being able to make stuff, taking a rain check. It was always 'he couldn't'…. Couldn't make dinner reservations, couldn't make their date, couldn't make it to hers, and apparently now, he couldn't pick up the phone.

Well, that was about to change.

* * *

_He ran his report into Mac's office, made some small talk about the case, Stella, Flack, Peyton… He had managed to dodge the topic of Lindsay. _

_He said goodnight and turned, silently thanking the gods that he didn't have to explain his actions over the past few weeks to his superior. _

_He reached for the door, when he heard Mac clear his throat_

"_She deserves an explanation you know Danny"_

_He nodded, and carried on walking. _

She contemplated heading back home. What would she gain, being here? It wouldn't make him talk. Last time she came, it only ended in tears. Her tears, when his dismissed her. But, she took a deep breath and slid down his door. 

* * *

_He got off the subway a block earlier than what he would normally get off. He needed to clear his head. Get things straight. He walked in the general direction of where habit led him, taking deep breaths along the way. _

She glanced down at her watch again. It never, ever took him 45 minutes to get home. Even if he had decided to walk home, he'd have been home by now. She pulled herself up, and headed for the elevator. Another night not speaking, not sorting out this tension, not dealing with 'them', or what was at least left of them.

* * *

_He placed himself outside, and slowly slid down the doorframe. Maybe she had run to the store, and he'd just missed her? Or maybe she was avoiding him. _

_Either way, he was waiting here. _

She decided she would walk to her apartment. Clear her head maybe, although, the 700 million other walks, runs and bike rides hadn't cleared her mind.

Just another 10 blocks to go…

* * *

_He sighed and glanced down at his watch. Where the hell was she? He pinched the bridge of his nose and lowered his head to his knees. _

She huffed and puffed as she climbed the 3 flights of stairs to her apartment. A part of her wished that he was sat outside waiting for her, but the other half was telling her that she needed to be realistic. He didn't care anymore. He was probably out somewhere getting drunk and hitting on some poor, unsuspecting girl. 

Finally, she reached her floor, and pushed through the door, catching her breath. 

She turned, onto the hallway and stopped. Slowly, walking towards him, silently, she realised her presence had gone unnoticed. She stopped and slid down the wall, and hesitated for a second, not knowing what to do. But, he was there, waiting for her. That counted for a hell of a lot in her book.

* * *

_He could feel her sat there, hesitating, not knowing how to act, what to say, whether to touch him. And that killed him. He had slowly, but surely pushed his girlfriend, the one thing in the world, other than Ruben and work that he genuinely cared about, away. He knew he had some serious explaining to do. He needed to fix what he had well and truly screwed up._

_He took a deep breath, and began stringing sentences together._

"It was my choice to send him home that day Linds, mine. I should have protected him; I should have called Rikki, made sure he was home." He was now looking up at her, tears in his eyes. "It's been my choice to shut you out. Keep you away, and I don't know why Linds. I guess it because when you said you weren't good at this type of thing, I figured it was your way of saying that you couldn't deal with it"

"Danny, I never meant it like that-"

"No, I know that now. I just didn't before. It took me a while I guess, things have been pretty screwed up Linds, I haven't been dealing,"

"Let me help you Danny, I know what it's like. You know I do. I can help with whatever you need Danny"

"I don't know what I need though. I really don't, I tried talking to Flack, but it got me nowhere, and I've known him god knows how long."

"I know, but you didn't try talking to me. I'm different, I'm not Flack Danny. We have that connection remember, the reason I call you my boyfriend. I want to be here."

"You don't have to be though Montana"

She smiled at the use of her nickname. 

"No, I don't have to be here, but it's my choice Danny. I want to be here, I am here. You just have to realise that."

"I'm trying Montana, it's just these four years, I've had to deal with Aiden getting fired, Louie getting beaten, Aiden being murdered, Flack in that blast, you in the blast, you in the undercover op, you leaving me to go to Montana. Mac's '333' stalker, the fear of losing you on the subway, when that bastard set the MP3 thing up. And now Ruben aint coming home Linds, how much can one guy deal with? How much do I have to take?"

"There's nothing I can do about Aiden, Louie or Ruben, baby, but Flack, he came out of it fine. Drew's going down Danny, and me," she smiled, turning his face so that she inches away from him. "I'm not going anywhere, so either you talk to me, and let me help you. Or I'll call you at 3.00am again like I did that one time. Either way, I'm helping you through this. And that's my choice. Ruben was a tragic accident Danny, but you can't live your life, regretting the lack of his. It's eating you up,"

"I know, but I can't deal with it anymore. Rikki, nearly killed Ollie Barnes Lindsay. With my gun."

"I know."

"You do?"

"Who do you think sent Flack Danny? I didn't know what to do. I figured he might get through to you. But, he said it takes his nearest and dearest to make you see sense, so now, Flack's sent me. It working?" she smiled.

He returned her smile. "Yeah, a little, you gonna let me in?"

"Once you move your ass from my door," she joked as she helped him up. "You're gonna be okay, you know that right? You and me, we're good. I'm here for you Danny"

"I know Montana, I know."

"I'm taking it we're crashing at my place then?" she laughed as they both stumbled through her doorway.

"No, I thought we'd walk have way cross town to my place, only to be woken up be the lights of Mac demanding we process a scene. Yeah, we're staying here, if you'll have me that is?" 

She switched the light on, closed the door too, and turned to look at him.

"Of course you know I'll have you. Now come on, we're in at 9 tomorrow"

She started walking towards the living room, but he caught her hand and pulled her back, into an embrace.


End file.
